They say one man's trash is another man's treasure, and if that's true, my family could make half the population of our city very rich indeed. We have so many "treasures" they are overflowing out of several trash cans every week. Ironically, no one seems to be scrambling to uncover the riches that may be disguised as run-of-the-mill garbage.
Studies show that Americans hold the not-so-spectacular distinction of producing more garbage per person than people in any other country. I can't help but think that I'm doing more than my share, and perhaps making my neighbors look bad.
My neighbors seem to be ahead of the curve when it comes to going green since they put out approximately one-tenth of the trash we put out every week. So now, as if the environmental and societal pressures of saving our planet aren't weighing on me enough, I have the additional burden of having to lay claim to the burgeoning heap of superfluous waste that brands me like a scarlet letter.
In a weak attempt to defend myself, I will say that we do recycle, but clearly we have a long way to go to get up to snuff. Furthermore, I am a bit of a clean freak, as is a girlfriend of mine. We figure that between the two of us, we go through about 573 rolls of paper towels a week. This would make environmentalists like Sheryl Crow, who suggests we use one square of toilet paper per trip, throw in her organic cotton towel and call it quits.
The important thing is that I want to do better. My own children are helping me do better. I will do better, as soon as I figure out what an aerator is and how to install the darned thing. I even took a quiz on the National Geographic Web site to find out my Eco IQ. I was happy to discover that at the end of each question, tips were given but no overall score was calculated. Look, my actual IQ is disappointing enough.
I am not suggesting that I will be selling compact fluorescent light bulbs out of a Prius anytime soon, but I do have a goal of producing only two barrels of trash per week, which will mean using a lot fewer disposable products, which could quite possibly ruin my life.
My children's pride makes this effort worthwhile, as they are very close to being run out of school with their prepackaged 100-calorie snack bags and juice boxes. Every other student brings organic fruit slices in a plastic Tupperware container. My children are probably ashamed when they pull out their Oreo Snack Cake (or not).
Yesterday, just to show them that I am truly trying, I packed every blessed morsel of their lunch into a plastic container. We couldn't get their lunch boxes closed, but that didn't bother us one bit as we stuffed the teetering tower of food into backpacks, pleased as punch that we were finally moving to greener pastures. Only half of the containers actually made it home — and none of the lids — but it's a start.
Now I spend a good chunk of my evenings breaking down boxes, looking for the numbers on the bottom of recyclables and washing out bottles and cans. It's not as satisfying as stuffing it all into the trash, but I understand it's the right thing to do. I don't have time to relax, read, watch TV or go to the bathroom — I'm much too busy saving the planet.
And I'm not alone. Even Home and Garden Television is giving away a "green home," complete with eco-friendly furnishings. And don't think I won't enter to win that baby. (Am I the only loser who actually thought I had a chance at the HGTV Dream Home in the Florida Keys that someone in Iowa just won? Be honest, did anyone else look out their window during the live give-away show to see if there was a satellite truck pulling up, or a woman with a bunch of balloons?)
I'm out of time. I need to go pack my daughters' lunches — in plastic containers and with a reusable water bottle. Wouldn't Al Gore be proud?
Sue Tabb writes from Newburyport.
