By Bethany Blake
March 13, 2008 05:00 am Like so many other families, my husband travels frequently for work. His passport has additional volumes; mine is slim in comparison. I've noticed how the mention of travel draws different reactions, depending on the circumstances, and who is doing the traveling. His are often extended trips, and by "extended" I mean weeks, not months like those honorable folks in the military. This tidbit draws different reactions depending to whom I am talking. Some moms, accustomed to a regular schedule, offer pained, sympathetic support: "Oh! How are you doing? That must be so tough." This response leads me to believe that there are those among us who are married to men who are home all day, helping with laundry, cooking, cleaning and child taxiing. Yes, that would be a terrible hardship. More often than not, however, the information elicits an opposite reaction: "Oh! You are so lucky. What I wouldn't do for a break from cooking and watching sports. Hey, what's it feel like to have the remote in your hand?" Invariably, however, dads post a universal reaction: "Lucky him." I try not to take this personally. But the truth is, I'm used to this. I function well as an independent contractor, and my husband appreciates my resourcefulness and flexibility. We are also grateful for generous neighbors and friends who take pity on me (I confess I don't know how to use our new snow blower yet). However, if something is going to go awry, it does so during my husband's absence. I've said for over a decade that when he is gone, a blinding snowstorm — or two — are inevitable. Mother Nature has yet to disappoint. One year we had 2 feet of snow topped by 5 inches of rain, causing a flooded basement and a backed-up septic system. Good times, especially with babies in the house. When he is away, I usually have to deal with a toilet or triage a broken furnace. It is not uncommon that my people will get sick simultaneously, requiring me to split myself in thirds to attend to each. Recently, one of my children ended up in a cast. I wonder if they plan it this way. Last month, it was my turn to travel. It had been a couple of years since I had been away without the family and I felt overdue. I suppose listening to tales of travel, even though for work, had given me a case of wanderlust. Again, the reactions made me laugh. To a one, the ladies articulated envy. "Wow! No one to take care of! Time alone! That sounds incredible." Many men, however, exuded sympathy for my husband. "Bummer! Home alone with kids." As I suspected, my husband is just as resourceful a dad as I am a mom. Rather a control freak about affairs of the house and children, I scrambled before leaving to make sure all was in order and schedules and directions were posted. He said, "Calm down, I'll manage." I felt pressure (self-induced) to get to the grocery store before leaving. He was insulted. "Don't you think I can handle it? We'll be fine without you. It's just a few days." Duh, he's right. I do this all the time. Tag, you're it! So away I went with six other wonderful women, and found two renewable energy sources: friendship and this person I thought was lost a long time ago ... me. As opposed to his travel, from which he returns exhausted from working on the road, I came home renewed. Not rested, as we made the most of every moment into the wee hours of the morning, but exhilarated. On our boondoggle to Iceland, we rediscovered the kind of laughter and late-night conversation typical of years past. And guess what? Everyone did just fine without me, just as we do when dad travels. But Murphy 's Law didn't let us down; my husband was sick the entire time I was away. I could have predicted that would happen.
Bethany Blake writes from her home in Boxford.
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